[Relatively] LIVE Blog: Episode 2.12 – “The Hail Mary”

Do you find yourself obsessively gabbing on about Outlander to your friends and family? Wishing your Saturday nights included a living room full of people with whom to watch, discuss, comment, cheers, jeers and well, experience alllllll the feels? Dinna fash, Obsessenach – you are not alone.

SUNDAY NIGHT UPDATE! Thank you for your patience. Due to a comical twist of fate, when we were finally able to watch this episode it was hailing outside.  No lie.  I blame Black Jack Randall. Because, why not.  On with the show . . . 

[9:00 pm] It is surreal to watch a show about Scottish natives battling for their independence only days after the historic and game-changing Brexit Day in the UK. Except Scotland voted to remain . . . *wink, wink to a certain US presidential candidate*

[9:02 pm] Weekly title card riddle: thank you, World of Outlander, for reminding me that we are inching closer to being emotionally gutted by Culloden in the finale. Because I had almost forgotten. Also, the powerhouse team of Ira Steven Behr and Anne Kenney have penned this episode. For me, that sets the baseline for my kilt rating of this episode at no less than a four.

[9:03 pm] Did anyone else catch Murtagh wrapping his arm back and around Fergus to stabilize him? I’m not sure if that was a character move or Duncan LaCroix keeping the adorable Romann Berrux on the back of that horse. Either way, it made me do that default “awww” head tilt you do for babies and puppies. It’s the 18th Century version of a parent throwing their arm across a kid in the passenger seat during a brake-slam moment just as an extra precaution.

[9:05 pm] Did Ross get promoted into the Wolf Pack? He’s got a horse now, a pass of whiskey, a seat at the big kids’ table. Good on you, Ross. If Rupert wants to be your pal, you’re a lucky lad.

[9:07 pm] Gauging by his ability to doze off at a desk, Fergus would fare well as a last-semester high school senior. Side note: My belated apologies to my 12th grade teacher, Mrs. Sprinkle, for exhibiting such behavior for several weeks in her AP Calculus class in early 1997. I swear I retained it. Mostly. 

[9:08 pm] Actress Rosie Day has done tremendous work showing the growth of Mary. In only a handful of episodes, Mary’s gone from meek and stuttering to confidently holding her verbal own in a confrontation with Claire. Surviving a rape and witnessing a man beheaded will make a person mature, I suspect.

[9:10 pm] Mark me, Bonnie Prince Charlie’s legs peeking out while sitting fireside? NOT knee porn. That is all.

[9:12 pm] Talk about some news to deliver to Claire. “Hey honey, about that ‘Hail Mary’ plan I told you I had in the bag…” In all seriousness, even though we know how this is going to play out, my heart still sank alongside Jamie’s face when the inevitable “press on” order was sealed.

[9:13 pm] JOHNNY FIVE IS ALIVE. I’m also having trouble not picturing Jack Nicholson’s psychotic face peeking through a door threatening, “here’s Johnny!” If I’ve said it before, it merits saying again – Tobias Menzies could act circles around 90 percent of the thespian population with his facial expressions alone.

[9:17 pm] …That time Black Jack made a plea to ease someone’s pain (Field of Dreams, anyone?) , then questioned Claire’s audacity for bartering for something she wants at the expense of another man’s suffering. Huh. The irony. *facepalm*

[9:18 pm] Please someone make a fanvid comprised of all the “on your feet…” moments.  Rupert’s “on your feet, you lazy swine” prominently makes the cut alongside all of Claire’s heartfelt ones.

[9:19 pm] “I always thought when that wee bastard fell that you would fall with him.” – Colum to Rupert, whose “so did I” solemn reply has cued up my tear glands for this episode.

[9:21 pm] Claire the healer has got her work cut out for her today between Alex, Colum and CARRYING AROUND THAT BABY IN HER BELLY. Because let’s face it, folks, we’re three days out from Culloden – she’s pregnant already.

[9:22 pm] Jamie and Colum just amusingly summarized Jamie’s sound plan to give Dougal enough authority to feel content, but not enough for him to grab at more. I’ve decided that Dougal is officially Milton from Office Space. Sure, he’s still around, but only through a clerical error that has him receiving a paycheck, vying for break room cake and taking up residence solo in the basement. He’s not reaaaally contributing.

[9:24 pm] “What’s one more sin to a sinner?” – Colum, in his ask for assisted suicide from a visibly affected Claire. Same, Claire. SAME.

[9:26 pm] Geillis survived! How you like them witch-poisoned apples? Her and Dougal’s son was born and is being raised by a fellow MacKenzie. And the plot thickens.

[9:27 pm] I will NOT behead Black Jack Randall. I will NOT behead Black Jack Randall. I will NOT behead Black Jack Randall.” – Murtagh’s inner monologue whilst 10 feet from the captain that JUST WON’T DIE. Also, not to get all controversial – but this smoke-blowing treatment would be the reason marijuana was legalized for medical use.

[9:29 pm] This scene is reminding me that I would have welcomed any deviation from the book or creative liberties taken by Ron D. Moore and the team that could have netted us Tobias and Duncan in more scenes together.

[9:31 pm] Who do you think feels the most uncomfortable right now – Jack, Mary, or the combo of Claire and Murtagh?  That was a trick question because it’s none of them. It’s ME – I feel the most uncomfortable at the notion of the childlike empress marrying this hedonistic bastard.  And he’s TOUCHING HER HAND.  Please stop.  Oh good, he listened. Now I’m going to need a hit off that pipe  to calm frayed nerves.

[9:32 pm] That woolly shoulder wrap of Claire’s – love! Where can us wee 21st Century mortals get one? *runs to Etsy*

[9:34 pm] Awww Murtagh, swoon! If I were in a cartoon, little heart emojis would be popping out of me like champagne bubbles right now. That’s a mighty fine offer from a sturdy and lovable every-man.

[9:39 pm] I had to let that scene play out in its entirety, my jaw agape the entire time. It still stupefies me how utterly unrecognizable Frank Randall is in Jack Randall, even though played by the same actor.  It’s a constant testament to Tobias Menzies’ unmatched talent.  My mind was flashing to that emotionally raw scene in the premiere where Frank and Claire talked fireside and she revealed she was pregnant.  Same. Two. Actors. As. This. Scene. You know that, I know . . . but sometimes I need to remind myself as I shake my head repeating, “unbelievable.”

[9:40 pm] “Congratulations on your ability to hide it so well.” Colum expressing sarcastic disbelief at his brother’s sympathetic wishes.  Gary Lewis, you owe me some rosé wine since I just spit a mouthful in laughter.

[9:42 pm] The role of MacKenzie family therapist shall now be played by James Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser.  He’s just kickin’ it in the chair while they verbally work through their bristled layers of issues.  “Um hey guys, stillll here. Just makin’ sure you remembered. K? Thanks.”

[9:45 pm] If only all the battle strategy scenes we’ve endured on screen could have been as riveting and attention-capturing as this sequence with Dougal and Colum.  A big Highlander, boy howdy!

[9:47 pm] Ew. That made me feel so dirty.  I cannot un-see that twisted marriage miscarriage of mercy.  *runs to shower*

[9:48 pm] Dammit if the Bonnie Prince Charlie isn’t in on our little game. I already had my wine raised when be busted out with “mark me.” But don’t flatter yourself, Chuck – I was drinking either way.

[9:53 pm] Colum gets the last laugh – I don’t know if he consumed that Claire concoction before Dougal walked in or not, but I’m not going to let the truth get in the way of thinking that Colum killed himself to avoid listening to his brother yammer on.  And yet, I’m not laughing.  Because somehow still, good Dougal always manages to win me over.

[9:54 pm] Colum out, fade out, fade in, Alex out. Or as my non-book reader husband said, “casting budget cuts?”

[9:55 pm] WHAT THE FRESH HELL WAS THAT?!? I don’t know why I still allow myself to be surprised by his vile behavior, but I had to cover my ears.  I can’t stomach people being beaten up, on screen or otherwise.  I guess I should be grateful that they didn’t feel the need to show Alex’s face.

[9:57 pm] “Remind me not to get on your bad side, Sassenach.” – Jamie, at this point we’d all support you getting on any side of Claire’s.  Am I right, am I right? #SexDroughtlander (shameless plug to join the robust conversation in Janet’s awesome post and on the Outlander Cast Clan Gathering.)

[9:58 pm] This is like every horror flick where someone is walking through their house in the dark while someone lurks in the shadows and all you’re thinking is, “for God’s sake, turn on a light! He’s right around the corner!” Because Culloden Moor is RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER and the doom is palpable.

[10:00 pm] Bear’s end credit music, or near lack thereof, until the snare drum battle march kicks in – reminds me, how many anti-anxiety pills should be taken in anticipation of watching the finale? Asking for a friend.

Thanks for bearing with the delay this week! Whoa. This one was all over the map, but I still loved it! And if this episode had a theme, it was the Brother Grim – times TWO.  What an interesting choice to storyboard out the conclusion of two very different brotherly subplots into one single hour.  While Jamie led the triage of the MacKenzies, Claire kept watch over the Randalls and we saw every emotionally warped moment of both. You could have heard a pin drop at the deafening silence in our house during about a handful of those brilliantly acted scenes – notably between Caitriona Balfe with Tobias Menzies and Gary Lewis with Graham McTavish. I dinna think I am ready for the supersized finale, and yet – BRING. IT. ON. Until then… be well, Obsessenachs!