Minute-by-Minute Recap: Outlander Season 3, Episode 9, “The Doldrums”

Want a minute-by-minute recap of Outlander Season 3 episode 9, “The Doldrums?” We give all the details…

Do you find yourself gabbing obsessively about Outlander to your friends and family? Wishing your Sunday nights included a living room full of people with whom to watch, discuss, comment, cheers, jeers and well, experience alllllll the feels? Dinna fash, Obsessenach—you are not alone.

Good news—we can get new family and friends pour ourselves a dram and, through the magic of technology, enjoy it together! As we brought to you during Season 2, we’ll be LIVE blogging all the episodes in Season 3. Like the Outlander Cast podcast, it will be SPOILER FREE for non-book readers.

Not into distractions during your visit to the World of Outlander? That’s okay! Our LIVE blogs double as episodic recaps to serve as a trusty viewing companion on your second, third and umpteenth re-watches (hey, we get it).

So get all your post-18th Century gadgets ready and settle in, because the best things in life should be shared with a buddy. Hi, buddy.

Now let the show begin…

[8:02 p.m.] Strong sexual content? What a wonderful coincidence, I speak strong sexual content! Um, but also my mom’s sitting here with me (hi mom!), so how strong we talkin’?

[8:03 p.m.] If this updated intro with all the hints of what’s to come and Bear McCreary’s drumming magic is any indication of the episode in store for us, well… *barks and claps like a caffeinated seal*

[8:04 p.m.] They’ve commissioned a ship named Artemis, who you might recall as the Greek goddess of chastity, virginity, the hunt, the moon and the natural environment. Tall order to fill, Frasers, but let’s see what you got…

[8:05 p.m.] I’m so relieved that Jamie’s been able to keep up with his man shawl better than he has his nephew.

[8:06 p.m.] I’m having a flashback to the last time we saw the Frasers on a dock in the Season 2 opener, fresh from trauma and pondering uncertainty—together. Anne covered the Season 3 filming of this scene at Dunure Harbor in this post.

[8:07 p.m.] As someone who does media training as part of my day job, I’m beaming at Claire’s textbook execution of the bridging technique to avoid answering Jamie’s question. LIKE THE BOSS SHE IS.

[8:08 p.m.] God help anyone unlucky enough to be within a 50-kilometer radius of Lallybroch when Jenny gets that letter.  “Oh hey, sis, about your baby boy you entrusted into my care… see what had happened was…”

[8:09 p.m.] Between comments about touching the horseshoe and not getting caught smuggling a banana onboard, I’m doing my best to advance my sense of humor past that of a 13-year old boy’s. I’m also just hoping this isn’t the strong sexual content pre-disclaimed in the opening sequence.

[8:10 p.m.] This adorable hand-fasted supercouple needs their own name. Fergarsali? Margus? Hmm. Try them on for size please and weigh in below.

[8:11 p.m.] I’m digging Lauren Lyle’s feisty portrayal as Marsali, even as she doles out some of mama L’s signature nasty grams. I’m also relieved to finally hear this character’s name said aloud as I was waaaaay off in my pronunciation. #LikeParsley #NotMarSally

[8:12 p.m.] “You can sail to Jamaica, but then I’m taking you home”—Jamie tosses that threat out confidently like he’s got access to some Uber Maritime app we don’t know about that can make that happen readily.

[8:13 p.m.] If the boat’s a-rockin’… it’s… err… just gonna be the boat, apparently. I’m with you, Claire.

[8:14 p.m.] Jamie went from battlefield to cave to prison to stable to print shop, and yet, he ensured that, if nothing else, what he had left of Claire would always remain cared for and safe—in one place. Oh James Fraser, at hearing this, I’ve almost forgiven you for that whole other marriage thing. Almost.

[8:15 p.m.] As a DoTerra loyalty customer, I can vouch for the effectiveness of peppermint oil for treating headaches. And for chest coughs. And for mental focus if you put a drop in your morning coffee. And OH MY GOD I’M TURNING INTO CLAIRE.

[8:16 p.m.] Hold up, did Fergus heed Nikki’s cry for hair sanity and bring his diffuser onboard with him? It’s his industrial strength hairdryer, and HE CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT IT.

[8:17 p.m.] I love that Fergus patting himself on the back for soldiering through a dry spell is among his top reasons that he’s ready for marriage. Sound logic, Monsieur.

[8:18 p.m.] Your bare bubbies would save us from this hardship, now pass the potatoes please. Subtle, Captain, SUBTLE. If I had a dram for every time a dude used superstitions in a campaign for nudity…

[8:20 p.m.] Are you like me? I can’t watch or hear other people throwing up without starting to dry heave myself. Plus, I recall reading somewhere that Sam Heughan is yakking up egg whites here. And that’s actually *swallow* worse *swallow* than *swallow* … you know what, be right back…

[8:21 p.m.] This is the story of two strangers, picked to live in bunks at seas. Find out what happens when people stop being polite, and start getting real. This season, on The Real World: Voyager. Yep, I’d watch.

[8:22 p.m.] You’d think Caitriona Balfe, Sam Heughan and the gang spent months at sea filming these scenes. Nope, the Outlander CGI and VFX game is top notch here, and you’ll learn more about it in a soon-to-be-published Outlander Cast post by our blogger in South Africa, Jayne Coleman.

[8:23 p.m.] The next time someone questions Jamie’s parenting know-how, please remember that time he insisted his adopted son keep his fizzle in his pants and away from his stepdaughter.

[8:24 p.m.] Willoughby pulling off perfect-form static lunges while painting Chinese symbols on a moving vessel is all the proof I needed that he’s spent some time under James Frasers’ watch. #MyPeakChallenge

[8:26 p.m.] I’m not certain what they’re saying, but you had me at a cabin full of drunken men chanting something about a lobster hole. Scooch over, lads, I’m bellying up with you.

[8:27 p.m.] Jamie might look like Hellraiser, but I also believe in the incredible healing power of acupuncture for nausea. And for headaches. And for inflammation. AND OH MY GOD I’M TURNING INTO MR. WILLOUGHBY.

[8:29 p.m.] I swear I’m worried about their lack of wind power, but let’s just focus for a moment on how Claire is slaying the lass-at-sea look with her beachy waves loose ponytail and wide-brim straw hat. Girl, all you need’s a rum runner, a trashy beach read and a chaise lounge and you’re ready for Jamaica.

[8:32 p.m.] I can’t go on a two-day work trip without missing the scent, sounds and ‘isms of my 5-year old son who, like many of your children I’m sure, also has heard Goodnight Moon at bedtime more times than you can count. Because of this and no matter how “grown” Bree might be, I can’t fathom what Claire must be feeling—even while enjoying the rekindled warmth and safety of Jamie’s embrace. Also, I much rather prefer that we’re getting these organic moments instead of one big Bree-share, not unlike how you’d regale someone with stories of a loved one in real life.

[8:33 p.m.] Color me relieved that my TV doesn’t possess a scratch ‘n sniff function.

[8:35 p.m.] With that measured delivery and stern side glare, the King of Men’s all “I’m the Captain Now.”

[8:36 p.m.] Jamie, if you’re going to swoop in and pull off another daring rescue, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON’T FORGET YOUR MAN SHAWL.

[8:37 p.m.] And here poor Claire was just hoping for a sunset booze cruise around the Caribbean for her second third honeymoon…

[8:38 p.m.] This, my friends, is why people worship at the church of Fraser for LIFE once JAMMF has graced their presence for mere moments. For anyone who ever wondered why fellow prisoners dubbed him their leader at Ardsmuir, or why they’d continue to follow him to the ends of the earth—Exhibit A.

[8:42 p.m.] I do love a good midday peach boob metaphor. (Correction: Thank you to my pal and fellow Outlander Cast blogger, Holly,  for this very important lesson—”Ashley, fyi. breasts are apricots, which leaves the peach as the vajayjay.” And here I sit as a resident of Georiga, THE PEACH STATE…) 

[8:43 p.m.] And I’ll say it again, I’m so pleased with how the production team and actor Gary Young have improved upon the character of Willoughby from print to screen. While this soliloquy feels a tad “four score and seven years ago” in length, I’m glad it was kept intact as this is Young’s moment to shine! And I’m certain these lines have just worked their way into every drama school student’s regular rotation for final grade monologue material.

[8:44 p.m.] Forget the mic, paper drop! New life motto #AlwaysTakeAWilloughby

[8:46 p.m.] Hurry up, and don’t be… gentle? I see a theme here, and I approve. I love how Claire might have acted momentarily conflicted on that whole stones vs. ship choice back at port, but girl’s certainly gonna sample the goods again juuuuust to be sure. (Side note: Jamie’s line about melting with her—borrowed from Drums of Autumn?)

[8:47 p.m.] Oh, I see what you did there. How very meta of you, Outlander.

[8:48 p.m.] “Whatever it is between us, it never changes.”—Sigh. Perfect description of both the Frasers’ love and ours for them and this show.

[8:49 p.m.] The Frasers look like they’re having a little size envy. Remember, it’s not the size of your ship, but what you do with it…

[8:50 p.m.] The blazing shits shall henceforth be my new excuse for getting out of anything. Trust me, no one will ask follow-up questions.

[8:51 p.m.] Claire, this would be the moment to employ my daily “not my monkeys, not my circus” motto. This also would’ve been a prime place for one of those little white lies she schooled Jamie about. But seriously, why must she always push the Hippocratic oath at the WORST possible times? It’s her calling, I get it, but it felt self-righteous in the brothel and rather unnecessary here.

[8:52 p.m.] Jamie can tap tap tap that finger in anxious disbelief while I shake shake shake my head doing the same.

[8:53 p.m.] My sincere apologies that I had the nerve to prematurely ponder the stench of the Artemis before seeing this. The closed captioning nails it perfectly: “men retching, vomit sloshing.”

[8:54 p.m.] “May I look at your stomach” is a question we’d prefer she reserve for Jamie and his 12-pack, not Typhoid Tom here.

[8:55 p.m.] TOO MUCH DETAIL, CLAIRE. This kid’s as green at helming this crew as Jamie was seasick and you’re giving him much-needed hope.

[8:56 p.m.] “I’m warning you, it’s going to get a lot worse before it gets better”—foreshadowing meant for us, Claire?

[8:57 p.m.] This galley cook should know Claire’s got no beef about using the dining room table for a little surgical wound excision. And likely that cabbage, too, for something in the process. And now I’m regretting the choice to have eaten pot roast and potatoes for dinner.

[8:58 p.m.] I’m a book reader, so I knew this was our fate, and yet—UGH. I was sort of hoping for an Overboard-like rewrite. Hey, it worked for Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn, and their love story is as edible and epic as the Frasers.

[8:59 p.m.] If you’re not bobbing your head and Jamie-tapping your fingers to Bear’s West Indies-inspired end credits track, you’re dead to me.

Closing thoughts:

You Frasers. I hope you know by now I’d follow you anywhere (that whole stint in France should’ve said as much), and a perilous few months at sea is no different. Actual TV critics, Mary & Blake Larsen and others with astute opinions will offer a credible rousing review of “The Doldrums,” but me? I’d just like to simply say—now that was a damn fun episode!

It was clear the actors themselves were having a blast, and you could feel that emanating through their performances and my landlocked screen. I was superstitioned out, but I don’t even care. Amidst the plot-propelling drama, there were quick nuggets of wit, quintessential Jamie & Claire moments, a swashbuckling Jamie swooping in for the rescue again, a glimpse of the burgeoning Fergarsali love (or Margus? Please someone save this.), realistic special effects that put us as out to sea as I cared to be and—best of all—new Bear McCreary music to bring it all together beautifully!

In short—and to borrow from Modern English— Outlander, I’ll stop my world and sail with you. I’ve seen the difference and this season’s getting better, all the time. There’s nothing you won’t seem to do. I’ll stop my world and sail with you.

Or, there’s mom’s closing thought: “Two weeks and he’s lost two people. Jamie’s the worst caregiver ever.”

Next week, I hit the high seas road for Florida on a little three-generations road trip with my mom and my kiddo. Please let it go better than the Frasers’ trip. Please let it go better than the Frasers’ trip. Please let it go better than the Frasers’ trip. As such, I’m leaving you in the fully capable hands of my partner-in-brain, Nikki Gastineau. Enjoy the ugly girl snort-laugh-cry combo she always brings.

Thank you, friends, as always for joining us. If you’ve missed any of our episode recaps, you can catch up with them here:

Episode 3.01: “The Battle Joined”

Episode 3.02: “Surrender”

Episode 3.03: “All Debts Paid”

Episode 3.04: “Of Lost Things”

Episode 3.05: “Freedom & Whisky”

Episode 3.06: “A. Malcolm”

Episode 3.07: “Crème De Menthe”

Episode 3.08: “First Wife”